Tonight I Wanna Cry
by SyfyGeek13
Summary: Sometimes, things get tough. Tough enough to the point where it's too much to handle and Alek is just having one of those days.
1. Part 1

**This story is for _RaidarChic_ and the story is based off of _Tonight I Wanna Cry_ by Keith Urban. Very loosely. definitely not what I was planning. but. I really hope you like it and I'm extremely sorry for the terribly long wait!**

* * *

For me, It was just one of those nights. I hadn't talked to Jasmine or Valentina all day and Chloe stormed out this morning. The fighting was going on, almost non-stop anymore. I didn't understand what was happening between us, but I didn't like it. It hadn't been very long since that night, with The Order and Brian. It's been about 4 months. Chloe had to leave her mom to ensure her safety. Jasmine made her get an apartment a little out of town, forcing her out of school.

Since I was her protector, it was my job to watch over her. I usually slept out on her pull out couch, and she never minded.

When I woke up, she was going on about Brian and how he had woken up. Now, I try not to be a jerk, I really do. But when the girl I have feeling's for - feeling's that may or not be a little deeper than I usually felt - is going on about the guy keeping me from her, I got a little annoyed. Maybe a bit angry, too.

"If you care so much about that human, the one whose father is the reason you've died twice now, then go and visit him. I'm not stopping you!" I may have shouted, overreacted with my hands thrown in the air, but her next words definitely stung.

"Maybe I will," she hissed, stepping closer to me. We were inches apart, her blue eyes glaring up at me. "He may have been clueless about who I really was, but he still cared. He still made me feel like more than some job. That's more than I could say for you."

With that, she stormed out. She left me to my own thoughts. That was around 11 this morning and it was now almost 1 in the morning. To say I was worried would be an understatement. I couldn't do anything, though. I tried to think about her words, but failed to understand them fully. So I can admit, I may have treated her more as a job than a friend on occasion, but I tried. I really did. I wasn't used to being the serious guy, though. I was used to being the guy people went to for a laugh, for a few minutes of flirting. But no, not comfort when you were killed. Not someone you can talk to about your deepest, darkest secrets.

I had tried though. And I wasn't good enough. I walked over to the kitchen and started going through the cabinets. I don't honestly know what I was searching for. This used to be a place for Valentina to stay at when she needed to do something with no one bothering her. So she came here a lot. When I looked underneath the sink and found three bottles of wine. When the sad smirk played at my lips, I took that as an opening. Why not? It's not like I was needed.

I took the middle bottle, a bottle of Sherry, and searched around for a corkscrew. I finally found one in the drawer of random things. Either Valentina had completely forgotten about these bottles and the easy ability for me to open it, or she'd lost her mind. Either way, I took the chance. I popped open the bottle easily and grabbed a mug from the already open cabinet. I shut up, grabbed one other bottle of the bubbly liquid and walked back over to the couch.

After the first glass, I felt a gate open up. I wasn't one to drink - this had quite honestly been my first time - and I blamed it on that. Some of the things I'd been wanting to avoid, like my emotions, were making themselves very clear now.

I could see Chloe. Practically everywhere around me. They way her eyes lit up when she smiled, the way it felt when I kissed her for the first time. It all felt so right and so wrong. Wrong because I knew she didn't return the same feelings. Something was there between us, yes, but I knew my feelings her a tad stronger than hers.

With a sigh, I reached for the remote to the television and switched it on, hoping to distract myself a bit. When I couldn't find anything except horrible Sunday night slash early Monday morning shows and infomercials, I left it on some sitcom. Not even paying attention, I poured myself a second glass of the drink. As I took another sip, I felt it warm up my throat on the way down to my stomach, almost a burning feeling. The bitter taste was definitely not great, either.

All the thoughts that ran through my head were of Chloe and I, what it could be like. If I would have just been better towards her instead the jerk I knew how to be. She brought out things in me, feelings, and I acted different around her. I knew that. She didn't and that was because she only really knows the side of me everyone else does. I wish I could be more for her, treat her the way she should be treated, but I was so stupid and clueless as to how to do it.

I swallowed the liquid down again and let it sink. How many drinks until I would be "drunk", exactly? I know almost absolutely nothing about alcohol. I poured a little more, feeling like some 40 year old single woman rather than an 18 year old teenage boy. I thought of Chloe and ran a hand through my hair. It was feeling rather long.

I had questions. A lot of them. If I were actually with Chloe, would she like my hair longer or would she want it shorter? Would it matter at all? Seeing where my mind was going, I let out a loud laugh. I almost dropped my glass onto the tan carpeting and put it down before laughing some more, until my stomach hurt. The laughter sort of toned down and I looked around, but I was alone. There was no one to look at me like I was crazy, or join in. I bit down hard on my tongue. I felt like an idiot. A sinking feeling in my stomach made my mood fall.

For all I knew, Chloe was off having a good time with Brian and here I was, sitting alone when I could be out doing who knows what, if I were human. If I were normal. This wasn't like me. It honestly wasn't. I wasn't the moping guy or the guy who sat around, sad all day. But when it came to Chloe, I didn't know who I was. Seeing as Chloe most likely wasn't coming home, it shouldn't be a big deal. I should be able to let myself go, my walls shut down. Why not?

Well, that would be because I knew better. Letting yourself fall, losing control, it's all a part of being weak. I may be a lot of things, but weak was not one of them. At the moment, the that drug running through my veins though, I don't think I cared. Not about anything other than the fact that I can't be who Chloe needs me to be. Who I need me to be.

And then everything came crashing down. That feeling in the pit of my stomach became a whole dug wide open and my cheeks felt hot. My face flushed until my eyes burned, and soon enough they were too blurred to be able to see. I was done. I'm not strong, not really. I'm a fool who thought putting on some act would make everything better. My face got hotter with the tears that fell and through them I reached over and filled the mug with wine again, practically chugging it down. It burned but I didn't care. When I let my body adjust for a second, my brain was hazy. I guess I was finally starting to get a bit of effect.

I would have thought I'd get some sooner, but I'm assuming being Mai might prevent a lot of drug type things to take their toll. When I looked up from the glass, I saw my phone of the table, lighting up and vibrating. I reached over, almost falling onto the glass table and saw it was Chloe. I hesitated before hitting ignore. Not now. Just not now. My throat constricted at the thought of why she was calling. I could imagine it now.

"Hey Alek, I'm spending the night with Brian. Talk to you later." Was that it? Well, I was guessing it was something along those lines. My eyes blurred further and those stupid droplets fell onto my phone as I held in in my lap. I threw it on the cushion beside me and took a shaky breath. It vibrated again, telling me I had a voicemail. It wasn't like I was needed anyways. The mug was empty and I thought I might as well finish off the bottle. There was only a little bit left. When it was empty, I went to stand up and throw the glass bottle away, but ended up falling, the bottle falling with me. When I made it to the ground, I felt too out of it to even get back up.

All I saw was white for a split second. I noticed that I fell onto my back and my head had slammed down. The bottle had rolled over underneath the table and I didn't even try to sit up. I let myself lay there in some sort of self-pity party for one and more of those damn tears fell. I really was useless, wasn't I? I slammed my head back down onto the floor, but it was carpeted so I didn't feel much. With a sigh I stood up, this time leaning on the couch to hold me up. There was no way I would be doing much now. I could barely see straight. I sat back down.

I let my head rest on the arm rest and reached for my phone again. I don't know why I did it because I knew it was Chloe who called. I didn't want to talk to her. At the same time, I did though. I wanted to talk to her, tell her little compliments and make her feel important. Because she was; she might be the most important thing in my life. I would do so much for her if I knew how.

Before I could stop it, my brain started going into sleep mode. My eyes closed and I left into a dream world.

When I woke up, I could barely open my eyes without letting out a groan. The illuminated room was too much for my eyes. Besides that, there wasn't much to deal with, which I was thankful for. I sat up, still squinting my eyes, and grabbed the empty wine bottle off the table. I also grabbed my mug and walked to the kitchen, throwing away the bottle and the cup in the sink.

The full bottle was still sitting on the coffee table and I felt like I needed to go to sleep. For a very long time. I sighed and took a seat on the couch again, taking a look at my phone. Four missed calls.

Three from Chloe and one from Jasmine. Chloe left one message, as did Jasmine. I listened to Jasmine's first since I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear from Chloe just yet.

"Hey, Alek." She started. "Mom and I are going into L.A. for the rest of the week and we'll probably be back on Sunday or maybe Monday. Just wanted to let you know. Keep an eye on Chloe and I'll call again soon."

Taking Jasmine hadn't spoken to Chloe at all and it had now been a day since I really talk to Chloe, I started to get a little bit worried. I checked her voicemail next.

"Look, Alek, I get that you probably don't want to talk to me right now. The feeling is pretty mutual, but I just - I don't know how much more of this I can take. It feels like we can't stop fighting and it's getting old. So if you're sleeping, ignoring my message, whatever." She spoke softly and took a pause. She sounded upset. "I think maybe you should move out. Go back and live with Jasmine and Valentina. I'm sorry."

And that was that. That was the message I'd been trying to avoid. So why did she call two more times and not come home? Screw being worried, I was getting angry now.

Ignoring the fact that it was only 9 A.M. and Chloe was never up this early, I called her. When I didn't get an answer, I left a message.

"If you want me to leave, I will. I'll be gone by noon and you won't have to worry about me bothering you again. Though, I'll be honest with you, I would have much rather you told me to leave in person. Goodbye, Chloe."

I threw the phone onto the couch and it bounced off, hitting the wooden floor. I felt like hitting something. Very hard. I walked into the bathroom and grabbed some of the random shower things I had, my toothbrush, and anything else I could find of mine. I placed it on the table and walked into Chloe's room, opening up the dresser drawer I had on the bottom. I grabbed the few articles of clothing I had in there and also took those out and set them down.

I took Chloe's gym bag - I was sure Jasmine could give it back to her - and threw my stuff in their before zipping it shut. I grabbed my phone from the floor.

Taking one last look at this stupid place, I walked out and slammed the door behind me.

* * *

I used my key to get into the penthouse before allowing to freak out. I thought running here would help shake off a bit of what I was feeling, but it only made me more hyped up and rowdy. I got into a pair of sweatpants and put on a jacket before making my way out the door again.

My mind was set on running and that was it. I was so fed up with everything. I could stop this all by just telling Valentina and Jasmine I was done being Chloe's protector, but even then I wouldn't feel okay.

Chloe may make me crazy, but if I'm being honest with myself, there's no way I'm going to be able to stay away from her. Not for too long anyways. Hopefully this will all blow over and we can work things out soon.

I forced myself, my legs, to go faster until they hurt. I I could feel the harsh weather and cold burning my face, my cheeks stinging, but I kept at it. It felt like forever until I hit Golden Gate Park and finally let myself stop. collapsing onto the cold grass. I took deep breaths, letting it fill my lungs and feeling my heartbeat racing.

At first, I thought it was just my body from running, but I noticed my phone buzzing in my pocket. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't. Just as I thought, it was Chloe. I wanted so badly to just hit ignore, or place it back into my pocket, but I couldn't. I really couldn't.

"H-hello?" I cursed myself for being so out of breath still.

"Are you okay?" Chloe asked me and I almost laughed. She was really asking me that?

"Perfectly fine." I answered while sitting up. She didn't say anything for a few moments and I was tempted to just hang up. That was before, I heard her take a shaky breath.

"Alek, I - " she stopped. There was another gap of silence before she spoke again. "I'm sorry. I really am. I just can't handle it anymore." I felt my teeth grind.

"Me, you mean you handle me anymore." I corrected her and she said nothing. "Well, like I said, you won't have to worry about me anymore. I'll be out of your life for a while." I stood up and started walking back to the penthouse.

"Not exactly you, just the fighting and everything that's happening between us. Everything that's been happening." Her voice was soft like she was having trouble and it just made me even more angry.

"Things do happen, it's life." I said bitterly. I winced. "Doesn't matter anyways, yeah? You won't be dealing with me for a while. Jasmine and Valentina are out of town right now and will be until the weekend's up, so if you need anything, feel free to call me. After they get back, I'm done." I explained. my legs started moving faster.

"What does that mean?" She asked, but I take it she already knew by her hushed tone.

"It means I'm done, Chloe. I'm being taken off of Uniter Duty and I'm finally going to do what I want." I explained. I noticed how my voice took a whisper-like turn. "I'm sorry for causing you any stress, Chloe. It's never what I meant to do. Believe me when I say that."

With that, I hung up because I was afraid to her her answer. I was afraid to hear what she would so or how she would react. In all truthfulness, I was afraid of how I would react to her reaction.

I scoffed at myself for that last thought and kept walking. After this weekend, there was no more Alek and Chloe. There was just Alek. And Chloe.

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**For the moment, I'm planning on leaving this as incomplete. I might add something later since it wasn't really a "complete" story. If you'd like to see more or want any requests for stories, leave it in a review or message me. Thank you guys for reading!**


	2. Part 2

**Okay guys, so this is part 2. It's in Chloe's point of view, so a bit different from what I've done with the switching (unless you count my first story which I'd rather not count as a story at all. whoops). Anyways, I just want to sort of mention that I took a turn in this and it might be a trigger for some which I'm incredibly sorry for, if that's the case for any of you. And to be honest, I'm not exactly sure what happened but I typed and this is what happened. So yeah.**

**So yes. Making it obvious. _T__rigger warning_!**

**Also, the first chapter was based off of _Tonight I Wanna Cry_ and this chapter is sort of based off of _Better Than I know Myself_ by Adam Lambert if anyone's interested. Though you probably aren't. heh.**

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A dial tone. That was all I heard after that. I pulled the phone away from my ear and practically shouted in aggravation. That fricking arrogant jerk! He made me crazy and I swear, the next time I saw him, I was going to slap him right across the face.

I couldn't believe him. He thinks he has the right to sit there and practically insult me, treat me like some child and then just what? Just end it. End his responsibility to me, our friendship.

I swear by this point I was growling. I looked out my window, a view that should be on postcards, I swear. The buildings surrounding me made me feel like I was in some busy neighborhood downtown of some big city rather than this small area I was in. I took a few breaths and let myself walk around. When I went into the bathroom I noticed that all of Alek's stuff was gone, the same with his drawers which I checked after that.

So that was really it. He was just gone. For some reason, this hit me harder than almost anything that had happened. Maybe because it was a bit more personal, either way, I couldn't give a real answer to why. Even leaving my mom, who I hadn't talked to in months now, or Brian falling into a coma - it didn't beat this sinking feeling I had in my gut. I shook my head and sat on my bed.

This all felt way too dramatic. Instead of calling Alek, trying to work things out, I figured that maybe it was best for the both of us to just take some time away from each other.

Since yesterday morning, I'd practically just been up and running. I never even went to see Brian. It just didn't feel right to do that. What was the point in going to see him when I knew it would only caused trouble? Anyways, after being on foot all day and night, I was bound to be extremely tired. So I let my back fall onto the bed and let my mind draw blank in a matter of seconds.

* * *

I rolled over onto my stomach and got a mouthful of hair. I lifted my head slightly, spitting out what shouldn't be there.

I heard my phone vibrating and felt it somewhere on the bed. After feeling around, I found it and clicked the green color without thinking.

"Hello," the greeting came out muffled due to just waking up and I heard a chuckle.

"Good morning to you, I assume?" Jasmine's voice asked and I fought a groan.

"What time is it?" I yawned, making an effort to sit up. I opened my eyes finally and looked around.

"It's about 4 o'clock." She laughed again and I felt annoyed that I had slept that late. "Did someone have a busy night?"

"Busy day and night yesterday, yes." I scoffed. "I feel like I have no energy in me at all right now thanks to Alek." I rolled my eyes and I heard silence on Jasmine's end, and then what sounded like either choking and a terrible laugh.

"Okay, look, I can handle things between you and Alek, but I definitely do not want to know what you guys do when other people aren't around." My mouth fell open and my whole body flushed under what she meant. I think I let out a small shriek.

"No, no! Oh my gosh, that is totally not what I meant!" I told her, rushing to explain. "I meant we fought and that I didn't sleep because of it and_ why would you even think that, Jasmine_?" I finally realized what she thought. Why the heck would she have thought that?

"Oh, come on, you guys are lucky you haven't started a fire with the sparks that fly between you two." She insisted as if it were obvious. My mouth went slack again and I couldn't come up with a response. Me and Alek? I swallowed hard.

I couldn't deny that something was between us, but was it really that obvious?

"Well, no need to worry about that now." I sighed, crossing my legs. I played with a frayed string on the edge of my shirt. "I'm pretty sure he hates me."

I went on to explain what happened and Jasmine stayed silent before responding again. "I highly doubt he actually hates you, Chloe." She sounded like she was holding something back, but I didn't push it. She started up again. "Just give it some time and hopefully it'll blow over by the time we get back. Oh, and speaking of coming back, we're actually flying in tonight. Things went smoothly and there's no reason for us to stay any longer."

"Oh, okay, cool. Well, I'll see you when you get in? Though I'm probably not going to go over to your place. I'd much rather stay home. Where I won't get glared at and whatever else." I grimaced and she said that was fine before ending the call.

I took a quick shower before heading out at a small diner near my house and grabbing an early dinner, consisting of a pasta dish. Since I have a inability to cook, I come here often. I'll also do takeout occasionally, but that tends to lean more on the expensive side of things.

As I was eating, I couldn't help but feel maybe the slightest bit lonely. In situations like this, I usually had someone - namely Alek or Jasmine - to eat with me and also work as a protector. I don't even think anyone was watching over me at this moment, which didn't make me feel any better. I finished my food quickly and noticed that it was getting darker due to the winter weather starting up. I paid the check and left quickly, hoping to get home quickly and without trouble.

Luckily, I did as hoped and made it home without a problem. I found that the days that I had no plans or the ones I had to spend alone were the worst because of how bored I get so easily. Just like today. I threw my shoulder bag to the floor near the couch and took a seat.

After everything that happened with Alek, he still wouldn't leave my mind. The guy agitates me beyond anyone I've just about ever known and yet he almost always occupies my thoughts. I sighed and stood up and walked over to the kitchen (which is about three feet away) and looked to see a mug in the sink. Must have been Alek. As I started washing it, I couldn't help but notice the bitter-sweet smell that came from it. I didn't think there was much of anything that could make that smell, but whatever.

Me cleaning that mug turned into cleaning the whole kitchen. And then a bit of the living room. And apparently, I had missed the fact that there was a full bottle of wine sitting on the coffee table. Yes, I was _very_ observant. I picked it up, almost afraid it would explode all over me or something. I laughed. Oh, yes, because The Order now puts attacks into bottles of wine. I shook my head and walked over to the kitchen again, placing it on the counter.

Well, a bottle of wine might explain the mug. But where was the empty bottle? And so started my search for an empty glass bottle that I found about 5 minutes later in the trashcan. So. Apparently Alek drank a full bottle of wine. I grimaced. Was that even healthy? And I almost - _almost_ - reached for my phone to call and see if he really had. I know that doing that would be pointless since he would most likely ignore my call anyways.

The more I thought about things, the more I felt like he had the right to hate me. I'd been absolute crap to him while he had been mostly perfect to me, save for a few lousy moments. Still, the guys had done more for me in the past few months than anyone had done my whole life. Not to say my two best friends and mom weren't great. They were; just in different ways.

Not to mention the fact that I can't deny my feelings for him. Yep, surprising, I know. I rolled my eyes. With a body and accent like his, what girl really wouldn't get feelings for him? Especially when he's by your sides almost every minute. And saving your life from any amount of danger that comes my way. With the way I treat him, I'm lucky he's stayed with me for this long.

I grabbed the remote from the spot beside me and flipped on the tv. There were a few things on, nothing major or things I'd pay attention to, but whatever. I watched some cooking show on the Food Network until I heard a knock at the door. I shut off the tv and went to answer it. I smiled.

"Hello, Jasmine." I greeted and pulled her into a hug.

"Hello to you, too." She stepped inside and shut the door behind her. "So, anything exciting happen since I talked to you?" I shook my head.

"Hungry? Because I have no food if you are." I smiled and she just shook her head.

"A drink would be nice though," I went into the kitchen and grabbed a cup.

"How about a glass of wine?" I joked and she gave me a weird look. I handed her the bottle I found earlier and she raised a brow. She met my eyes.

"I never pegged you for the type to steal, Miss King." She teased and I laughed. I put the bottle back and grabbed a plastic bottle of Mountain Dew from the fridge pouring her and myself a glass.

"I can assure you that I didn't, but you might want to check and see if Alek did." I told her, going over to sit on the couch. Jasmine followed and sat beside me.

"What does that mean?" I smile a bit.

"I was cleaning earlier when I found an empty wine bottle in the trash and I didn't do it, so that really only leaves Alek." I shrugged and Jasmine makes a sound between a laugh and a choke, due to her drink.

"Alek drank a whole bottle of wine?" Jasmine asked incredulously. I nod and she lets out a laugh. My face burned with a slight embarrassment and I'm not sure why.

"I - I'm sorry, I just never pegged that to happen." She smiled at me trying to hold back a laugh and I grinned back, taking a sip of my yellow drink. The grin felt forced. I guess my confusion/guiltiness showed because Jasmine put her drink down and looked dead at me before talking again. "Hey, you don't think this is your fault, right? Because. . ." She trailed off, like she couldn't find the right words. Like she couldn't give me a reason for Alek's random act not being my fault. Because it was, in all actuality.

"Well, there's not much I can do now, is there?" I tried and placed my cup on the table, too. Jasmine stayed silent. "Did you go and see him yet?"

Jasmine gave a quick shrug. "I figured I'd come by, see you, then go home and go to sleep." I just nodded and looked away, now finding the view of the window very interesting.

"You should go see him." I mumbled. She didn't say much, just agreed that she was tired anyways and left within a few minutes. No, I wasn't trying to be rude and throw Jasmine out. But yeah, I felt guilty. I knew what I did to push Alek away until it was too late, unitel he was done. Jasmine and him weren't best friends, but they were close and there was no way I wanted to ruin that by keeping Jasmine here and not with Alek.

I figured Alek would talk with Valentina, and then by tomorrow morning I would have a new protector living with me. Hopefully it was Jasmine. Not able to say I was tired, I still headed my bedroom and tried to lay down. It took hours for me to drift off.

I was right. By the time I woke up, someone was already knocking at the door. I took precaution in case of a threat, but opened up the door. It wasn't Jasmine. No, no, it was a guy named Demetri who I had never even met. He smiled and explained that Valentina put him on duty. He was from Ukraine, too, which gave me some kind of comfort. But at the same time, it didn't. I let him in and told him the couch would be his new best friend.

"Thanks," He walked over to it and put a backpack down on the right cushion. He stood over it and looked to be texting someone, or doing something on his phone.

Excuse me for still being a teenage girl, but I took a second to look at him. He was tall, would've stood over Alek by a few inches if he were here. Brown hair sat calmly atop his head in thick wavy locks, not passing his ears. I could only see his back from here by the door and he was well defined. His shirt emphasized his back and upper arms. When I had met him by the door, his face looked well enough and he had a charming smile. I couldn't help but wonder if there was such a thing as an unattractive Mai, because all the ones I'd met could be on the cover of some magazine. Yes, he was quite the attraction and I wasn't about to say otherwise.

"Have you eaten anything?" I asked, walking towards the kitchen. He looked up as I past being the couch and I paused. He shook his head and smiled again, this time eyes drifting down and back up. I blinked before walking to the kitchen again. I couldn't say I was embarrassed, but it made me walk faster knowing I didn't want a gaze like that on me. Not another one.

I made a bowl of cereal, my specialty, and sat in silence as Demetri looked around. Scoping the area I guess. He took a seat across from me when he finished. More silence.

"I know you don't want me here," he said truthfully, shrugging. My eyes widened and I was about to protest, but stopped myself. No, in fact, I really didn't want him here. I'd much rather have Alek sitting there, but I screwed it all up.

"It's not you, really." I told him. He didn't seem to react, not with his expression anyways. He kept my gaze and I didn't look away either. "I just - I guess it's just a change." I said. I looked down at my bowl. "Another change." I got up and put the empty glass bowl in the sink. I didn't look at the guy at my table again before leaving the room. I sat down on my bed and honestly, wasn't sure what to do.

So, this was it. Alek was really done. That was my last coherent thought before something happened, before something broke, and I was curled up on my side, pillow getting stained with tears.

* * *

It didn't get easier. For two months, Alek hadn't spoke to me and I was too scared to talk to him. The Order kept quiet and didn't do anything, keeping almost 8 months free of attack. Demetri isn't so bad anymore, we talk a bit. He's a nice guy, but it's pretty much all business. We're friendly and we do chat, just not really about each other. To this guy, I really am just a job. And I'm thankful for that, because I couldn't handle anything else in that department.

I'd seen Jasmine a few times, going for lunch or dinner. Amy, Paul, and my mom were all still very absent in my life. Brian hadn't tried to contact me since he woke up which, again, I'm thankful for. My life's been calm and it was starting to make me crazy. I was restless, being in such a boring atmosphere. Not that I'm asking to get killed again, but without the banter from Alek or Jasmine's conversations, I was pretty much dying. I left my room, where I just finished my morning shower/get ready routine and saw Demetri still asleep on the couch.

I walked over to the couch, kneeing the back of it and saying his name a few times. He got up quickly, unlike my previous roommate who would take nearly half an hour to wake when not wanting to be woken up.

"Everything okay?" he muttered, yawning afterwards. He looked up at me as he rolled onto his back. I smiled.

"Yep," I reassured him. He gave me a questioning look and pulled out a tired smile of his own, sitting up.

"What exactly am I up for then? It's Saturday, for one thing, and we never get up anyways." I rolled my eyes and took a seat where his feet were before.

"I'm bored and I want to get outta here." I told him honestly and his eyes narrowed.

"We're not exactly allowed to just leave, you know that." He told me like I hadn't already heard it a thousand times and when I was about to reply, he interrupted. "What'd you have in mind?"

I shrugged, looking away. I might have added a slightly innocent look. "I was thinking something like uhhhh," I bit my lip. "A road trip? To anywhere but here?" I smiled and he gave me a real look for that one.

"Not happening," he said, getting up and walking towards the bathroom. I sighed and pulled my legs underneath me, making myself comfortable. When Demetri exited from the bathroom across the room and walked over to his seat, taking it again. "I'm sorry we can't go ahead and take a trip, but we both know it's not the smartest thing." As he said it, I noticed that he really was sorry. I just brushed it off, giving him a smile.

"I just wish I could do something that involved not being bored, and not being Mai for awhile." I forgot that saying stuff like that wasn't exactly appreciated around Mai. Jasmine, Valentina, and Alek had been there from the start so they knew how I felt on that subject. But no one really understood it, only thinking about the fact that I was Mai, that I was the Uniter. So it kind of hurt when I saw the almost disgusted look on Demetri's face. I swallowed before looking down. He didn't understand. Let's face it, no one did. But _he_ always made me feel like he did. Like he knew, somewhere deep down, how it felt to not want to be what you are.

And then the same thing happened that had been happening for nearly every night two months. I felt the sting on my eyes, the constriction in my throat. I got to me feet and almost fell in the process of darting to my room. I heard Demetri call my name, but it had already started. I'm sure he knew. How couldn't he have heard me every night when he was barely twenty feet away? The silent sobs racked my body and I couldn't even make it to my bed, falling into my door. I hiccuped, trying to refrain somehow from crying.

Nothing worked, nothing ever did. I was holding my legs, my knees hitting my chest, making it harder to breathe. I didn't understand, probably never would. How could Alek affect me for so long when the guy wasn't even here to do it? I felt another stab in my stomach. He was probably fine, maybe off with that ex-girlfriend of his. Mia? No, it was Mimi. Yeah, he was probably back with her again, having the time of his life now that I was gone. Or, I guess, now that he was. I was still right where I had been for months.

The tears stopped suddenly and it was like a time bomb went off, giving me the strength to do something that was incredibly reckless and stupid, but I didn't care. I stood up and opened my door to see Demetri sitting, hand running through his hair. He spun at the sound of the door and almost stood before my expression gave me away.

"Don't," he said quickly, standing himself up. "Whatever you think you're going to do, just don't." I scoffed out loud at his tone, like he was scolding a four-year-old for sticking their hand in the cookie jar before dinner.

"Don't act like you care," And why was I saying this? "I'm a job, and you're only here because you have to be. Because you were assigned. I'll make it easy on you by leaving, yeah?"

And I did before he could even respond. I ran to the door and opened it up, running again to the elevator. I saw him rush out behind me but I'd already hit the lobby floor and the doors were closing.

When it got to the floor I wanted, I ran again out of the building. My mind had no clue where I was going, but my legs sure did. It only took me about 10 minutes to find my location underneath the place it all started. This damn tower. I took the stairs and slowly crawled them, not wanting to alarm any visitors. Even at 9 o'clock, there were a few stragglers around. At the top, I basically collapsed against the cool concrete and felt my heart hammering in my chest.

I still didn't have a clue why I was here, why I was doing this to myself. I didn't want to relive how I felt, but at the same time, it was like I couldn't help it. It was like my mind went into overdrive and I was back in that day, where that assassin was behind me, pushing me off the tower before I could speak.

I didn't even scream in that moment. I was falling so fast, so hard, but I felt like I was floating. A release, almost. And then I hit the ground and that was it. Or so I thought. And now I'm here again, wondering what it would feel like to do that just one more time. I stood up, glad no one was up here with me, and walked to one of the unblocked windows. I looked down and saw how high I was, a rush of energy flowing down my spine.

All at once, I felt like it would be good. If I just took one step forward, I would be okay. I wouldn't deal with hurting Alek anymore, not being able to see my best friends or my mom. But it wouldn't. Not really. Because I would just pop right back up, saying hello to my 6th life and preparing for the punishment I would get from Valent-

"What are you doing?" I spun so fast, my heart exploding all over again, my body threatened to fall backwards. And it did. And it felt like that day all over again. But my wrist was grabbed and I was pulled forward and into the chest of someone I'd never thought I'd see again.

His eyes didn't show that hate I thought they would. No, they just showed nothing. His face, however, was set in a scowl that told me he was annoyed with me. Again. And I hadn't even seen him in months. My hands were set on his shoulders and I didn't want to let go. Couldn't let go. I didn't realize I was mumbling a whole bunch of nothing until he started to look confused. I shut myself up and pushed him away from me as quick and hard as I could. I turned back around and face the view of the city.

"Leave me alone." _Please, don't. Don't really go. I can't do this anymore._

"Not until you tell me exactly what you were thinking, looking over that edge." And I heard it. His voice waver into what I hoped could be traced to worry. Because I wanted him to worry about me. I needed him to.

"It's obvious, isn't it?" I gave way, my voice cracking. "I wanted to jump. Still do. But it would only pose suspicion for all those people below and I would just come back anyways."

Silence. A long, painful, ringing silence. It was amazing how truly loud no noise could be. I felt the dribble of tears fall from my chin and realized I'd started crying again. Alek stood behind me and I wasn't even sure he was breathing. I could hear the sound of his heartbeat, the only thing telling me he was even really there.

My mouth was moving and I was mumbling my own thoughts, "I can't do this anymore," over and over again like a mantra. And it was true. I couldn't. Didn't want to. So why was I still standing? Because he was also standing, right behind me. I could only hope that he wasn't really done with me, not yet. So I waited. For something. Anything. I waited for him to tell me that he wasn't done, for him to reach for me again. But nothing came and it was like that for minutes before I really couldn't take it. My right foot stepped forward and my left hand met the wall, the rough concrete feeling nice against my hand.

_Stop_.

Did I hear that? I wasn't sure if it was my mind or the boy behind me. So I did. I stopped. But again, nothing came. I closed my eyes and let go of the wall, letting me left foot take a step, too. I could feel the edge beneath my feet and I was almost there, my toes in nothing but air -

And I was pulled back, butt hitting the ground before I could even realize it happened. The arms that circled me were so familiar, but yet ones I had felt only a handful of times. My breathing was hard and I couldn't believe I was so close to it all being over. But it wouldn't have been because I would be back up and running again in minutes.

Alek's voice brought me out of whatever I was in and I looked up. He looked sick, like he was about to give his breakfast a second taste. My cheeks burned and I fought his hold, itching to stand back up again. He held me tighter and my elbow swung back into his gut. I heard the air blow out of his lungs and I got my chance to stand up. I've been wanting this, wanting him to be with me again, so why was I pushing him away? I looked over to see an elderly couple, the woman looking at us like we were crazy and reckless teenagers. I tried to a smile, but I was a mess. No use in trying not to be. I made it to the stairs in three big steps and started down them, wanting to be away from everything, from everyone. I made it to the bottom and walked calmly away when I saw Alek come into step beside me.

I let him walk with me in silence and we walked until we were in the park. I slowed down and so did Alek. When I finally stopped, he did too, right in front of me. I didn't look up at him. I was too afraid of what I would see. So I was looking down at my feet and his, I saw his hand reach towards mine. I let him take it, feeling my chest fill with a warmth I hadn't felt in weeks.

"Chloe." He didn't have to say anything else. My head lifted, eyes meeting his own. The vague and emotionless look that was there earlier was gone, replaced with so many emotions I couldn't detect any of them.

"So sorry," I whispered in a breath. "I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you, to us. I never meant to hurt you, God, I never meant to do anything to you but I just couldn't be honest with myself about you and everything that was happening and I just -" I had to breathe and I did, letting things settle. He stayed silent, but his thumb was running over the top of my hand. I stared at him with an open mouth, wondering if there was anything more. He kept my gaze and he finally asked something.

"Why would you do that?" I'd almost forgotten and I guess my face gave that away. "Why would you think about jumping?" I swallowed and closed my eyes. Why? Because this wasn't my life. Because I wasn't me anymore and I didn't want it to be. Because everything I've ever known was gone, completely gone. Because the only person I felt that knew me had been off somewhere else, hating me after all that I did.

"I couldn't -" I tried, but that didn't work. "It was like I -" No, still not it. I thought for a second, wondering if I could tell him. But I couldn't. There wasn't a logical reason for me wanting to do that and the only thing I could really think of was - "I couldn't stand being away from you like that! It was my fault, everything you went through, what we went through and I couldn't stand knowing that all I was doing at any given moment was hurting you and making you feel like - like you weren't important. Because you are, you are _so_ important to me and I would rather die again and again than have to live without you at my own fault."

My breathing and my heart pounding in my ears was all I could hear. I didn't want to look at him, still scared of how he would react. It was out. I'm pretty sure everything I'd been feeling was out there and my whole body felt it. That release I'd been wanting up at the top of the tower, I'd found it in a whole different way and I felt so much relief that I almost laughed. When I finally looked up at Alek, he looked the most shocked I had ever seen him and I almost took it into pride that I made him feel that way.

But he had the same effect on me and had been for over a year and it really did feel good to be switched. I didn't even notice he had let go of my hand until both of them were cupping my face, keeping my gaze steady with his. The shock was gone, replacing it with all those emotions I saw earlier, still not being able to decipher any of them. He opened his mouth, then closed it again like he wasn't sure what to say. But I guess I wouldn't really know what to say either.

"Too much," My voice cracked, shaking my head lightly in his hold. He shook his head like he disagreed and I was left wanting to apologize for it, for making him feel so awkward. It was an awkward situation. "No, no, it was. I am." I told him, honestly. Because I really was too much. He finally found his voice, letting his hands fall to stay at my neck instead.

"You aren't," Alek shook his head vigorously, like that would make me see what he did. "You aren't too much and if you ever think that. . ." It was really like he couldn't express this, like he couldn't make me understand. I really didn't though, because I was lost as to what he was trying to say. He took a breath, a shaky one, and I saw him blink, closing his eyes for several seconds before opening again. His face was not even an inch away from mine before I could realize it and his mouth found mine, left hand gripping my cheek, other hands dropping to find my waist. I couldn't close my eyes in fear of when I would, it was all be over. But my hands were up on his chest, holding onto his shirt for dear life and I felt the pressure of his mouth molding to mine, it was something I'd wanted for so long. My eyes closed before I could stop them.

Nothing stopped. In fact, when I closed my eyes, I was seeing everything I was feeling. I was pushing harder against Alek, wanting to never separate from him again. I never wanted to. Ever again.

The need for oxygen was enough to make us split and I let out a whimper. My face flushed because I let that little sound escape and I felt the pulsing in my lips, the throbbing that made me want more. My eyes were still closed, this time not wanting to open. Alek's lips found my jaw, the soft flesh making it's way to my ear. He stopped, pulling away just barely. "You will never be too much for me. And if you ever scare me like that again I swear I'll never let you leave your room." His voice, the rough gravelly sound sending chills down my spine, along with that accent that made my insides melt.

His lips were back on mine again and my arms were around his neck now, both of his holding onto my waist this time. I let my hands grip his hair, pulling at it in the slightest bit. I wasn't experienced with this, no, but it felt too good for me to care. I was breathing in what he was releasing, the kiss too rough for me to concentrate on anything but him. I pulled away quickly. He was still just as lost as I was when I opened my eyes, and he looked like he was afraid of me telling him I changed my mind. But I wouldn't. I never would.

I kissed him again, quickly pecking his warm lips before looking up at him. "Take me home, Alek."

And he did, without another word. There would have to be so much more talking tonight, and probably a lot of other nights. But that didn't matter because Alek was holding me to his side, holding me tightly, and I was laying my head on his shoulder and it was perfect. We weren't perfect, we probably never would be, but being with him made me feel like I was whole. Because even though I didn't know everything about myself, he did. Somehow, he knew me better than I knew myself.

* * *

**And we're done. Woo-hoo! This whole two-shot thing was requested by _RaiderChic_ and I couldn't be happier to do it! I'm also incredibly sorry for all the waiting. If there's anyone else that would want a request with a certain plot/song, one-shot preferably, feel free to ask or message me!**

**I really miss all the people in this fandom who used to review a lot for my stories, and the stories I used to read, so please let me know if and how you liked this? But yeah, the school year is slowly ending once again and I'm hoping to write a ton this summer! If you're interested, check out my other stories and stuff and tell me how I can improve them. Plus, like I said, I would adore it for people to send in requests and stuff! Thank you so much for reading. **


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